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Open The Door To True Empowerment
Finding Fault
Are you judging some one in your life. Are you self judging and finding fault in every little thing they do or you do.
Perhaps it is time to stand back and look at why.
A lady came to me one day and told me of all the things that were making her upset angry, and confused in her relationship.
She spoke of all the things that were wrong with her spouse, his children and even the dog.
She went on and on about how spoiled they were and if they were her children they would not be treated that way. There would be more rules and they would be punished more often.
She said that every time she spoke to her husband about his kids he got defensive and angry with her for wanting them to change, and to be better, more obedient and less selfish. She went on and on about how poorly they ate, and how wrong it was for her to have to cook three different meals to accommodate
them.
She spoke of how when the kids are with them she feels tired and angry, and gets very little sleep. That the dog even acts up when they are there. She spoke of how even her spouse becomes uptight and scared when it is his weekend with the kids. She told me that she thinks the mother is a poor mother for not teaching her kids to be respectful of elders and of her. She went on to say that the kids are stupid really, that they are far less intelligent that any other kid she knows that are their ages.
I listened to her complain and get all of this out of her mind and did I judged her? I just sat there listening and taking it all in.
I asked her only one question when she was done speaking.
What part in your life, and the children’s lives do you feel you are playing ? She looked at me for a moment and smirked and at first said” well I am the warden for sure, damn kids make me crazy and someone has to keep them in their places.” She laughed and then stopped and looked at me and said, ”My God! I am my mother. I am treating these children the way my mother treated me. I am the militant witch I so hated as a child.”
As I listened to this lady I heard the voice of her own little child yelling out to be heard. Do you listen to yours
The child within her was telling me that she was not taught how to cope with this behavior, that she was not ready to handle the responsibility of these children and her spouse, that she needed to come to terms with her own past in order to be the best role model and stepmother she could be. She needed to stop finding fault in everyone else and learn who she was without her mother’s voice telling her who she was.
She needed to stop judging and learn the good qualities of these children, and to understand that what she is teaching them would be part of their future programming, and if she was un-accepting of them, that they may as well, become judgmental and fault finding adults who are incapable of loving unconditionally.
I asked her to look at her past and how she was taught and how painful it was when fault was found in the things she was doing,. How hurt she was when she tried so hard and could never get her mothers approval. To ask her if she was jealous over the way the children were being givingchance
Given a chance to be individuals, and that were given choices.
Maybe she needed to learn that not all parents are alike. That there are those parents who love their children in ways she was not exposed to. And maybe the way her spouse was with his children was protective from her ignorance and painful treatment. Maybe her spouse was defensive because he sees his children in a completely different way than she does. He is accepting of them, because he sees the goodness in them first. Maybe he was taught to love without judgment.
I asked her then, to take some time and to try to see the children in a new way. See them as children, as students and she the teacher. What was she teaching them, and what would she want them to learn from her.
She cried at this moment and realized she was being mean to them, because she wanted the attention her husband was giving them because she always wanted that from her parents. She told me that her father had passed away when she was 2 months old and never knew him. And that she always felt she blamed her mother because she was so negative. I helped her see how painful that must have been for her mother, and
that maybe the reason she was so controlling and militant was because she was so afraid of losing the one little piece of her husband she had left.
We talked many times over a couple of months and she learned how to free her past and to love the present and the way her spouse was teaching his children.
She realized that the love he has for his children was natural and beautiful and healthy and that the children needed to be treated as individuals and that the way they ate was because of allergic issues and cultural issues as well.
She learned to stop finding fault and to accept herself, her mother, the children, her spouse and the children’s mother for who they are. She took the time to be the teacher who was teaching from a place of acceptance and not judgment.
Are you at this place in your life? Is it time to learn or to teach without placing judgment or finding fault?
If so, ask yourself these questions-
Am I judging based on my own experiences?
Am I finding fault because of jealousy?
Am I unable to accept others because I am not willing to deal with my own issues?
Am I wrong because I am not willing to accept that I may be?
Do I live my present based on the teachings of my past that have hurt me?
You want you to take the time and answer these questions honestly. Ask your spirit, that inner voice to help guide you to the true answers. If you answer these questions from truth you will be able to apply the answers to creating a happier more peaceful and accepting teacher and student within yourself. Bravo for taking the time to know you better.
Yesterday was, and tomorrow is coming, do you really want to create tomorrow based on yesterdays that can’t be changed, or today’s that can be.
I have learned through this process that judgment of others is a self reflection. A window into what is affecting you.
Love with all that you have that is honest and you will be loved in return, honestly.
This month we are preparing for Christmas. Are you ready to Live without judgment and not over compensate this year. I think we are all in need of the reminder that we need not give more than we have.
Here are two of my favorite Christmas recipes.
My mom made Cherry loaf every year, and I loved it. So I am sharing this with you as a celebration in memory of my mother Norma.
Moms Cherry Loaf
Ingredients:
1 jar maraschino cherries (10 oz. size)
1/2 cup butter softened
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla or almond extract
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup slivered or chopped almonds (optional)
This is a very pretty looking loaf. I learned as I got older that I love it served with almond butter (just mix 1/2 cup softened butter with a 1/2 tsp of almond extract and about one tablespoon of chopped almonds )
Drain cherries and reserve juice adding water if needed to make 1/2 cup liquid. Chop cherries coarsely and pat dry.
In mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar, adding eggs one at a time. Beat in vanilla or almond flavor.
Combine flour, baking powder and salt and add to creamed mixture alternately with cherry juice. Stir in cherries and almonds if using. Place in greased and floured 9 x 5 inch loaf pan.
Bake at 350F for 50 minutes or tested done in center with toothpick.
Cool 10 minutes in pan and remove. Wrap and slice the next day. Bread freezes well.
How can we go through Christmas without Chocolate?
One of my favorites is Chocolate coconut squares. Oh I love this time of year.
CHOCOLATE COCONUT BARS
1 c. butter
6 oz. semi sweet chocolate chips
1 3/4 c. graham cracker crumbs
1 c. flaked coconut
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
8 oz. pkg. cream cheese
1/2 c. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
Combine 3/4 cup butter and 1/3 cup chocolate chips in a large saucepan.
Cook over low heat, stirring constantly until smooth and blended.
Add crumbs, coconut and nuts; mix well. Press into bottom of un-greased 15 1/2" x 10 1/2" jelly roll pan.
Refrigerate about 1 hour or until firm.
Combine cream cheese, sugar and vanilla. Stir until blended. Spread over chilled crust. Return to refrigerator and chill 1 hour. Melt 1/4 cup butter with remaining chocolate chips in a small saucepan. With spoon drizzle mixture over cream cheese layer. Chill 1 hour. Cut into 40 bars. Store in refrigerator.
Try not to visit the Refrigerator too many times. I know, it will be tough.. Enjoy.
Next month, lets look at Family, how to deal with loving your family when you cannot be close. This one has been one I have been working on for many years. Many people have helped me create it.
Blessings of peace to everyone
Remember we choose to be happy.
Sharon Quirt
Are you judging some one in your life. Are you self judging and finding fault in every little thing they do or you do.
Perhaps it is time to stand back and look at why.
A lady came to me one day and told me of all the things that were making her upset angry, and confused in her relationship.
She spoke of all the things that were wrong with her spouse, his children and even the dog.
She went on and on about how spoiled they were and if they were her children they would not be treated that way. There would be more rules and they would be punished more often.
She said that every time she spoke to her husband about his kids he got defensive and angry with her for wanting them to change, and to be better, more obedient and less selfish. She went on and on about how poorly they ate, and how wrong it was for her to have to cook three different meals to accommodate
them.
She spoke of how when the kids are with them she feels tired and angry, and gets very little sleep. That the dog even acts up when they are there. She spoke of how even her spouse becomes uptight and scared when it is his weekend with the kids. She told me that she thinks the mother is a poor mother for not teaching her kids to be respectful of elders and of her. She went on to say that the kids are stupid really, that they are far less intelligent that any other kid she knows that are their ages.
I listened to her complain and get all of this out of her mind and did I judged her? I just sat there listening and taking it all in.
I asked her only one question when she was done speaking.
What part in your life, and the children’s lives do you feel you are playing ? She looked at me for a moment and smirked and at first said” well I am the warden for sure, damn kids make me crazy and someone has to keep them in their places.” She laughed and then stopped and looked at me and said, ”My God! I am my mother. I am treating these children the way my mother treated me. I am the militant witch I so hated as a child.”
As I listened to this lady I heard the voice of her own little child yelling out to be heard. Do you listen to yours
The child within her was telling me that she was not taught how to cope with this behavior, that she was not ready to handle the responsibility of these children and her spouse, that she needed to come to terms with her own past in order to be the best role model and stepmother she could be. She needed to stop finding fault in everyone else and learn who she was without her mother’s voice telling her who she was.
She needed to stop judging and learn the good qualities of these children, and to understand that what she is teaching them would be part of their future programming, and if she was un-accepting of them, that they may as well, become judgmental and fault finding adults who are incapable of loving unconditionally.
I asked her to look at her past and how she was taught and how painful it was when fault was found in the things she was doing,. How hurt she was when she tried so hard and could never get her mothers approval. To ask her if she was jealous over the way the children were being givingchance
Given a chance to be individuals, and that were given choices.
Maybe she needed to learn that not all parents are alike. That there are those parents who love their children in ways she was not exposed to. And maybe the way her spouse was with his children was protective from her ignorance and painful treatment. Maybe her spouse was defensive because he sees his children in a completely different way than she does. He is accepting of them, because he sees the goodness in them first. Maybe he was taught to love without judgment.
I asked her then, to take some time and to try to see the children in a new way. See them as children, as students and she the teacher. What was she teaching them, and what would she want them to learn from her.
She cried at this moment and realized she was being mean to them, because she wanted the attention her husband was giving them because she always wanted that from her parents. She told me that her father had passed away when she was 2 months old and never knew him. And that she always felt she blamed her mother because she was so negative. I helped her see how painful that must have been for her mother, and
that maybe the reason she was so controlling and militant was because she was so afraid of losing the one little piece of her husband she had left.
We talked many times over a couple of months and she learned how to free her past and to love the present and the way her spouse was teaching his children.
She realized that the love he has for his children was natural and beautiful and healthy and that the children needed to be treated as individuals and that the way they ate was because of allergic issues and cultural issues as well.
She learned to stop finding fault and to accept herself, her mother, the children, her spouse and the children’s mother for who they are. She took the time to be the teacher who was teaching from a place of acceptance and not judgment.
Are you at this place in your life? Is it time to learn or to teach without placing judgment or finding fault?
If so, ask yourself these questions-
Am I judging based on my own experiences?
Am I finding fault because of jealousy?
Am I unable to accept others because I am not willing to deal with my own issues?
Am I wrong because I am not willing to accept that I may be?
Do I live my present based on the teachings of my past that have hurt me?
You want you to take the time and answer these questions honestly. Ask your spirit, that inner voice to help guide you to the true answers. If you answer these questions from truth you will be able to apply the answers to creating a happier more peaceful and accepting teacher and student within yourself. Bravo for taking the time to know you better.
Yesterday was, and tomorrow is coming, do you really want to create tomorrow based on yesterdays that can’t be changed, or today’s that can be.
I have learned through this process that judgment of others is a self reflection. A window into what is affecting you.
Love with all that you have that is honest and you will be loved in return, honestly.
This month we are preparing for Christmas. Are you ready to Live without judgment and not over compensate this year. I think we are all in need of the reminder that we need not give more than we have.
Here are two of my favorite Christmas recipes.
My mom made Cherry loaf every year, and I loved it. So I am sharing this with you as a celebration in memory of my mother Norma.
Moms Cherry Loaf
Ingredients:
1 jar maraschino cherries (10 oz. size)
1/2 cup butter softened
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla or almond extract
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup slivered or chopped almonds (optional)
This is a very pretty looking loaf. I learned as I got older that I love it served with almond butter (just mix 1/2 cup softened butter with a 1/2 tsp of almond extract and about one tablespoon of chopped almonds )
Drain cherries and reserve juice adding water if needed to make 1/2 cup liquid. Chop cherries coarsely and pat dry.
In mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar, adding eggs one at a time. Beat in vanilla or almond flavor.
Combine flour, baking powder and salt and add to creamed mixture alternately with cherry juice. Stir in cherries and almonds if using. Place in greased and floured 9 x 5 inch loaf pan.
Bake at 350F for 50 minutes or tested done in center with toothpick.
Cool 10 minutes in pan and remove. Wrap and slice the next day. Bread freezes well.
How can we go through Christmas without Chocolate?
One of my favorites is Chocolate coconut squares. Oh I love this time of year.
CHOCOLATE COCONUT BARS
1 c. butter
6 oz. semi sweet chocolate chips
1 3/4 c. graham cracker crumbs
1 c. flaked coconut
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
8 oz. pkg. cream cheese
1/2 c. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
Combine 3/4 cup butter and 1/3 cup chocolate chips in a large saucepan.
Cook over low heat, stirring constantly until smooth and blended.
Add crumbs, coconut and nuts; mix well. Press into bottom of un-greased 15 1/2" x 10 1/2" jelly roll pan.
Refrigerate about 1 hour or until firm.
Combine cream cheese, sugar and vanilla. Stir until blended. Spread over chilled crust. Return to refrigerator and chill 1 hour. Melt 1/4 cup butter with remaining chocolate chips in a small saucepan. With spoon drizzle mixture over cream cheese layer. Chill 1 hour. Cut into 40 bars. Store in refrigerator.
Try not to visit the Refrigerator too many times. I know, it will be tough.. Enjoy.
Next month, lets look at Family, how to deal with loving your family when you cannot be close. This one has been one I have been working on for many years. Many people have helped me create it.
Blessings of peace to everyone
Remember we choose to be happy.
Sharon Quirt